As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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