franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
