smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
