I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
