Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
