Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
