I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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