are you still at the devil's house?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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