Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize