i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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