i already hear my dad disowning me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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