No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
