Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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