Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe