I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
