I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
