Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
