i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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