No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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