I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
