My first STD was from a foam party
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
