I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
