At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
