In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
