she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
