Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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