plz talk dirty to me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My bed smells like the plague
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
