Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
