so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
