know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
