Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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