The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i now understand why vodka
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
