I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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