Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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