The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
