I could have mohawked her pubes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
