It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
