we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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