It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.