I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes