If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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