So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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