so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
