The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
