I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she told me i tasted like america
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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