You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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