Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
