ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
