i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
