one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
