my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
