You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
