My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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