Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
