Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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