Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am one with the molecules
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
