I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
