haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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