So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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