he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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