dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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