I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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