Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
