im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
