Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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