we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
