i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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