You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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