Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
