I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
