Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
