thus making me awesome and them whores
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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