Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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