I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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