i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just pee around me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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