I want to have your abortion
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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